1 00:00:02,290 --> 00:00:04,720 Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,080 to allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit? 3 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,890 Uh, I haven't been elected yet. 4 00:00:09,890 --> 00:00:12,150 Come on, kids! We gotta vote! 5 00:00:12,150 --> 00:00:14,480 - Honey, come on. Please stop filming. - I'm just excited! 6 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,940 After today, you are going to be a councilwoman, 7 00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:20,310 and I am going to be a first husband. 8 00:00:20,310 --> 00:00:21,440 And if you don't stop filming, 9 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,430 you're going to be my first husband. 10 00:00:23,430 --> 00:00:24,670 All right, everybody, come on! 11 00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:26,190 Do you know what you're doing, kids? 12 00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:28,390 You guys are manning the phone banks. 13 00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:29,520 Alex, you're in charge of that. 14 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,150 Wh-why is she in charge? And what's--what's a phone bank? 15 00:00:32,150 --> 00:00:33,420 That's why. 16 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:34,640 - Phil. - I got it. 17 00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:37,730 I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls, 18 00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:39,880 assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. 19 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,600 - Where you at? - High-five. 20 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,600 Old people occasionally forget things. 21 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,140 Okay. All right, everybody, let's go. Let's go. 22 00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,370 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick! 23 00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:48,900 Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there. 24 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:52,050 I just want to say how proud of you we all are. 25 00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:53,440 You're an inspiration. 26 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,320 Who would have thought that 20 years ago 27 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:56,930 when you were still in the bloom of your youth-- 28 00:00:56,930 --> 00:00:58,610 Okay, I'm gonna go start the car. 29 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,640 Claire likes to win. 30 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,720 When she was 8, a little girl scout friend of hers 31 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,780 bragged she could sell the most cookies. 32 00:01:04,930 --> 00:01:06,880 Damn if Claire didn't walk the neighborhood 33 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,270 till she got blisters on her feet and won by ten boxes. 34 00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:11,510 Best part is 35 00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:13,780 Claire wasn't even a girl scout. 36 00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:17,480 The choice is Claire! 37 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,560 Vote Claire Dunphy for town council. 38 00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,510 Aw, I love it! 39 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,070 - What do you think, huh? - I love it. 40 00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:27,890 We got it on Craigslist. 41 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,150 Came off a taco truck. 42 00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,100 - It did. - I love that you're doing this for me. 43 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,870 - Thank you! - You're welcome. 44 00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:38,100 I know how important winning is to Claire. 45 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,800 And I love to festoon things. 46 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:40,970 We're her dream team. 47 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,890 So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school, 48 00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:44,200 and voted first thing. 49 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:48,260 Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation. 50 00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:51,050 Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad? 51 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:52,530 Oh, sure. No problem. 52 00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:55,570 Just wanna look in here. Just-- 53 00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:09,950 Thank you. Thank you. 54 00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:11,170 - Bye! Bye!- Thank you, guys! 55 00:02:11,170 --> 00:02:15,560 I can see Clairely now that Duane is gone. 56 00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:18,860 Bye! Thank you! Oh, my gosh. 57 00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:20,750 Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go. Let's go. 58 00:02:20,750 --> 00:02:21,960 Good luck today, Claire. 59 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,590 Oh, Laurie, thank you. 60 00:02:23,590 --> 00:02:26,310 Hey, by the way, we have some really good news. 61 00:02:26,410 --> 00:02:28,520 - What's that? - Becky got into the University of Oregon. 62 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,290 Oh, congratulations! 63 00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:31,430 Any news, Haley? 64 00:02:31,430 --> 00:02:33,020 Uh, uh, no, not-- not yet, 65 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,870 but, you know, super psyched! 66 00:02:35,290 --> 00:02:37,540 This whole waiting-to-hear thing has been a nightmare 67 00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:39,300 since the very first letter. 68 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,900 I'm too nervous. I can't do it. 69 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,810 "Dear miss Dunphy, 70 00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:47,680 we regret to inform you..." 71 00:02:50,740 --> 00:02:52,550 What?! Don't leave me hanging! 72 00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:56,630 After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news. 73 00:02:57,470 --> 00:02:58,920 I have one school left, 74 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,410 and the only good news I've gotten 75 00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:01,660 is that my annoying neighbor Becky 76 00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:03,590 is moving back east to Oregon. 77 00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:06,580 - Manny, write this down. - I didn't bring a pen. 78 00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:09,630 Election day is America at its finest. 79 00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:12,090 The people speak, and the government listens. 80 00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:13,360 I don't know what they do in Colombia. 81 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,630 No one does, and don't ask. 82 00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:16,150 I mean, we know that voting's a privilege, 83 00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:18,170 but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot, 84 00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:19,800 it just means so much more-- 85 00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,390 You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later. 86 00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:24,660 What? Where are you going? 87 00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:26,210 Ah, the line is too long. 88 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,640 It's only three people! And nobody has a gun! 89 00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:34,230 We're here, we're Claire, 90 00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,790 get used to it! 91 00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:38,500 You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking. 92 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:39,780 Here, let me try one. 93 00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:44,120 You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for. 94 00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:46,680 Vote Dunphy for town council. 95 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,690 Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy. 96 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,870 Uh, C-Caire's her first name. 97 00:03:50,870 --> 00:03:53,170 I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire. 98 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,560 Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there, 99 00:03:56,580 --> 00:03:59,330 and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk. 100 00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,640 Hey! You in the yellow jacket. 101 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,100 Pick it up and put it in the trash. 102 00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:10,340 - Oh, my God. He did it. - Yes, he did. 103 00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,500 Ooh, here. Let me try one.I'll try... 104 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,400 Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking! 105 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:17,660 oh, my gosh. 106 00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:19,520 This is an instrument of power. 107 00:04:19,850 --> 00:04:21,690 How could they not sell tacos? 108 00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:23,260 You know what we could do with this thing? 109 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,760 Cam, we could really make a difference. 110 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,320 We could be the voice of change. 111 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:28,610 Ooh, I got it! 112 00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:31,100 Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt. 113 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,360 Come on, gang. 114 00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:37,840 Today is the Dunphys at their best. 115 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,340 I'm from the "Weekly Saver." Mind if I ask you 116 00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:44,730 - a couple questions about the big election? - Not at all. 117 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:45,920 Fire away. 118 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,410 Who are you voting for today? 119 00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:49,560 Claire Dunphy. 120 00:04:49,610 --> 00:04:51,600 Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. 121 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,560 Why? 122 00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:55,080 Uh... Because I am Claire Dunphy. 123 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,000 Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales. 124 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,020 We take turns reporting. 125 00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:00,710 How do you feel about your chances today? 126 00:05:00,770 --> 00:05:02,740 Not as good as I did a few minutes ago. 127 00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:04,080 No, she feels great. 128 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,850 Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high. 129 00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:08,660 - There's your headline. - Phil, no. 130 00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:09,900 Uh, how about a photo of all of you? 131 00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,930 - Yeah. Sure. Yes. - Mom, mom, mom. Tag. 132 00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:12,880 - Tag's still on. - Oh, my Goodness. 133 00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:13,420 Thank you. 134 00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:16,150 That would have been a really awkward picture. Okay. 135 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,160 No! 136 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:20,910 What is that? 137 00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:21,930 Is that a tooth? 138 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,310 - Ew! - Awesome! 139 00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:24,570 How old are you? No! 140 00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:26,260 - Do it again! - How does that even happen? 141 00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:29,050 It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury. 142 00:05:29,050 --> 00:05:30,990 - It just fell out. - Oh, my gosh. Why today?! 143 00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:32,240 - What about the... - Let's not overreact. 144 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,300 - Let's--let me see it. - Okay. All right. 145 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,110 Got it. Thanks. 146 00:05:45,730 --> 00:05:46,900 What happened back there? 147 00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,810 Line was too long. I couldn't wait. 148 00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:51,730 I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet! 149 00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:53,660 Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay? 150 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,120 That place I take you 151 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,700 has the greatest sherbet on the west coast. 152 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,530 They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet. 153 00:05:59,530 --> 00:06:00,670 Why are we talking about sherbet? 154 00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:02,010 He's clearly changing the subject. 155 00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:03,120 Why aren't you in school? 156 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,370 He's doing it again. 157 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,160 Manny's right. You're being very ardilla. 158 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,150 - "Ardilla"? - Yeah, you know, the-- 159 00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:10,820 The one that--that-- 160 00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,150 - Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y? - No, another one 161 00:06:12,150 --> 00:06:14,100 - With the cheeks and the tail and... - Chipmunk? 162 00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,160 - Possum? -Okay, obviously she means squirrel. 163 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,260 You were being squirrely then, 164 00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,380 - You're being squirrely now. - Better than being a rat. 165 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,360 Manny, give us a minute. 166 00:06:21,410 --> 00:06:23,900 Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter. 167 00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:28,900 What? 168 00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,260 All right, it's no big deal. 169 00:06:33,150 --> 00:06:34,650 There was a woman working there. 170 00:06:34,650 --> 00:06:35,830 I didn't want her to see me. 171 00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:37,710 - Who is she? - Her name is Dottie. 172 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,010 She's the first woman I dated after my divorce. 173 00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:42,280 You dated a Dottie after Dede? 174 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,800 Y-you're focusing on the wrong thing here. 175 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,860 The--the point is it ended badly. 176 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,290 I tried to let her down easy, but, uh, 177 00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:50,210 she didn't take it too well. 178 00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:51,630 Actually, I don't know how she took it, 179 00:06:51,630 --> 00:06:53,080 'cause I wasn't there. 180 00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:56,180 We dated a few weeks, then after we... You know, 181 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,790 I slipped out of her house before she woke up 182 00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:00,090 and never called her again. 183 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,800 Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral, 184 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,710 let it roll down the driveway, lights off. 185 00:07:04,710 --> 00:07:06,410 Hey, I can't talk about this anymore. 186 00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:08,730 So because of this woman, 187 00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:10,670 you didn't vote for your daughter? 188 00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:13,080 It's Claire! We need her to win! 189 00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:16,290 I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled. 190 00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:17,360 I'll figure out something. 191 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,130 Maybe those poll workers take shifts. 192 00:07:19,130 --> 00:07:21,840 Stop hiding in your little cave like a-- 193 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:25,170 Like, you know. Like the-- the--the-- 194 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:26,460 - I really don't wanna do this again. - No, the-- 195 00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:29,750 No. No. The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one. 196 00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:32,740 Ay, why can't I remember any animal names? 197 00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:36,560 Climb aboard the Dunphy Express. 198 00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:39,030 Next stop--democracy. 199 00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:40,270 - Well--no, no... - Please don't go. 200 00:07:40,270 --> 00:07:42,010 I won't do that anymore. I promise. 201 00:07:42,410 --> 00:07:44,780 Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop. 202 00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:46,070 I gotta pick up my new glasses. 203 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,660 No can do. I, uh... 204 00:07:48,810 --> 00:07:50,480 I got a lot of people waitin', so... 205 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,250 It'll just take two minutes. 206 00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,830 I can't even see the ballot without my glasses. 207 00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:57,170 I mark the wrong box, 208 00:07:57,170 --> 00:07:59,220 next thing you know I'll be married to a guy. 209 00:07:59,220 --> 00:08:01,790 Yeah, I-- I don't think it's mandatory, Walt. 210 00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:04,740 I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me. 211 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:06,600 Oh, yeah. 212 00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,630 They will break all your buttons... 213 00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:10,710 and say you brought it in that way. 214 00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:11,990 Okay, go, go, go! 215 00:08:12,370 --> 00:08:14,950 Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind. 216 00:08:14,950 --> 00:08:18,290 And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us. 217 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,300 Do not see that movie! 218 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,720 You will neither laugh nor cry! 219 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,840 "Best pizza in the city"? 220 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,920 Not even the best pizza on this street. 221 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:29,180 They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures! 222 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,780 "Totally free checking"? 223 00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:33,160 Don't bank on it! 224 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,710 Okay, that was really fun, 225 00:08:34,710 --> 00:08:36,870 But now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire. 226 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,230 We've been saying that for two hours. 227 00:08:38,230 --> 00:08:40,100 Yes, but now I-I really mean it. 228 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,340 - Oh, my god, there's Sandy! - Sandra Bullock? 229 00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:43,590 Yeah, Sandra Bullock. 230 00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,530 We're such good friends, I call her "Sandy," So... 231 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,780 No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool. 232 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:48,670 - Right there. - Oh, yeah. 233 00:08:48,670 --> 00:08:50,770 - You know, she got engaged. - No! 234 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,880 - To the gay boyfriend? - Totally. 235 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,780 Oh, how does she not see it? 236 00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:55,880 If I was with somebody that gorgeous, 237 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,360 I'd overlook a few quirks, too. 238 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,620 First of all, thank you. 239 00:08:58,620 --> 00:08:59,910 Second of all... 240 00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:01,140 point well taken. 241 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,110 I don't know. Poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her. 242 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,050 - Well, it's better than being alone. - Is it? 243 00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:07,340 She's looking over here. 244 00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:09,330 - Oh, my god. - Mitchell, you're sitting on the button. 245 00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:11,030 What? No--no, I'm not. No, I'm not! 246 00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,390 The--it's stuck! 247 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:13,300 And you're the one that had it last 248 00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:15,110 - when you were talking to the cheese shop! - Because you know what? 249 00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:16,490 If you advertise truffle cheese, 250 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,950 - there are certain expectations... - Hi, Sandy. 251 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,920 Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy. 252 00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:25,820 - What a beautiful name. - She used to be a citizen. 253 00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:27,770 I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council. 254 00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:29,500 All right. How about this? 255 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,190 if you vote for Claire Dunphy... 256 00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:34,970 You won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life. 257 00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:36,250 Vote for Claire! 258 00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:38,940 Luke! What are you doing? 259 00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:39,850 You can't say that! 260 00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:41,980 Oh, like she'd be the first politician 261 00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:43,700 to make a promise she can't keep. 262 00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:46,130 Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, either. 263 00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:48,240 Maybe you are the one that is bothering me! 264 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,610 How do you like that? Eh? 265 00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:53,280 Gloria, I'm gonna have to ask you again 266 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,930 to please stick to your script. 267 00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:57,610 But everybody's saying no to me! 268 00:09:57,610 --> 00:09:58,670 I don't get it. 269 00:09:58,670 --> 00:10:00,500 Usually when I ask someone to do something, 270 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,500 they just do it! 271 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,810 Maybe it's because these people can't see you. 272 00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,020 I don't like it. 273 00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,570 Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera? 274 00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:10,610 Well, thank you, Maggie, for the vote. 275 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,880 Okay. Bye-bye. 276 00:10:14,270 --> 00:10:15,290 Here's your seat. 277 00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:18,360 Thank you. Um, you'll have to excuse me. 278 00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:20,980 I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before. 279 00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:22,100 Don't worry about it. 280 00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,550 - Just think of it as a conversation. - Okay. 281 00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:26,830 Here are your headphones. Volume control. 282 00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,810 - Don't get too far from the mike. - Okay. 283 00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:30,300 Make sure your cell phone's off. 284 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,780 Oh. Cell phone. Right. Um... 285 00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:33,140 And you're not chewing gum, are you? 286 00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,540 No, I'm not. I just had some temporary 287 00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:36,250 dental work done. 288 00:10:36,250 --> 00:10:37,550 The last thing I need-- 289 00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,510 And welcome back to "A matter of record." 290 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,420 I'm Cecil Van Gundy. 291 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,840 Joining us now in studio is district 43 292 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,410 town council candidate Claire Dunphy. 293 00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,170 Thank you, Cecil. 294 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,710 It's a pleasure to be here. 295 00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:59,000 So... You're a first-time candidate. 296 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,610 Tell us what got you involved. 297 00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,790 It all started with a, um... 298 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,250 With a stop sign. 299 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,350 I was concerned about safety in our neighbourhood 300 00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:13,060 and I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall. 301 00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,570 What's wrong with mom? 302 00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:15,750 Oh, this isn't good. 303 00:11:15,990 --> 00:11:17,500 She sounds drunk! 304 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,990 That's not her drunk voice. 305 00:11:19,010 --> 00:11:21,550 Tell us about some of the other issues facing our town. 306 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,810 Where do you stand on the city's 307 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,810 sewage and sustainability initiative, 308 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,310 the so-called S.S.I.? 309 00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,140 One cannot really talk about 310 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,450 s-s-sewage and sustainability 311 00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:35,800 without first discussing... recycling. 312 00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:37,780 This city can do more... 313 00:11:37,790 --> 00:11:39,350 - What the hell's wrong with her? - with the recycling program... 314 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,430 She sounds drunk! 315 00:11:40,430 --> 00:11:42,380 - ...currently... - It's a tooth thing. 316 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:44,180 What's wrong? 317 00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:46,130 Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy. 318 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,400 Is that serious? 319 00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:49,580 Is oxygen serious? 320 00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:51,940 You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses. 321 00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:53,200 I'm just gonna drop you at home. 322 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,410 You can get your air. I can drive other people. 323 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,570 I don't have any more tanks at home. 324 00:11:57,570 --> 00:11:59,550 Why? That seems like bad planning. 325 00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:01,020 Well, I forgot to order them. 326 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,330 My pills make me forget things. 327 00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:05,690 Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill! 328 00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:06,970 Please tell me you have it with you. 329 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:09,230 Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food. 330 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,100 - Don't I? - Are you asking me? 331 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,990 Uh, yes! I do take them with food! 332 00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:15,300 Ooh. I don't feel so well. 333 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,050 Okay, I'll get you whatever you want! 334 00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,170 I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food. 335 00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:20,850 Then I'll vote for your drunk wife. 336 00:12:20,850 --> 00:12:22,760 That is not her drunk voice! 337 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,900 Thank you so much for voting. 338 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,230 We appreciate it. 339 00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,920 Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay Pritchett. 340 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,770 Uh, can I get in-- in and out really quick? 341 00:12:35,770 --> 00:12:36,530 Thank you. This is all I needed. 342 00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:38,090 Thank you very much. Thank you very much. 343 00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:41,870 All right. Claire, Claire, Claire. 344 00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:44,060 Claire, Claire-- ahh, ahh. Here. 345 00:12:46,910 --> 00:12:48,700 I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 346 00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:51,480 Hello, Dottie! 347 00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:58,810 Jay! It's so nice to see you! 348 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,280 - Is it? - Oh, why wouldn't it be? 349 00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:05,080 That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. 350 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,910 - We're good. - Oh, that's great. 351 00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:09,320 Thank you so much for voting. 352 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,350 You remember my daughter Claire. She's-- 353 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,870 She's running for town council. 354 00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:16,050 - Oh, isn't that neat? - Yeah, I'm so proud. 355 00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:19,080 So you're gonna put it in there, huh? 356 00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:21,530 Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Definitely. 357 00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:23,690 cause every vote counts, you know. 358 00:13:23,690 --> 00:13:25,770 Thank you so much for voting. 359 00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:27,620 - You know... - Yeah. 360 00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,790 Boy, I'd sure like to see the sweet sight 361 00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:32,520 of my vote... counting. 362 00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:35,230 Why would I say I'd do something and not do it? 363 00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:36,840 That would make me a liar... 364 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,910 instead of a trusting widow 365 00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:40,920 Who fell asleep in the warm embrace 366 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,030 of a man who promised to make breakfast. 367 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,610 Okay, here it is. 368 00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:46,880 Look, I am so sorry. 369 00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:50,780 You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex-- 370 00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:52,110 35 years. 371 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:53,380 I panicked. 372 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,940 An-and it wasn't 'cause y-you weren't pretty naked 373 00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:57,000 or anything like that. 374 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,610 I'd have run from Angie Dickinson. 375 00:13:58,610 --> 00:14:00,440 - Oh, lucky her. - Dottie-- 376 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,060 - Good-bye, Jay! - Dottie, Dottie, please. 377 00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,760 I'm just trying to get my ballot in the box. 378 00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:05,340 oh, yeah, that sounds familiar. 379 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:07,080 Yeah, but you don't have to do anything. 380 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,590 Just let me put it in! 381 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,070 Uhh. Shouldn't have said that. 382 00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:13,240 We are so sorry. 383 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,180 We did not mean for you to hear any of that. 384 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:16,810 Yes, and you know what? 385 00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:18,800 We shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place. 386 00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:19,690 But what if you're right? 387 00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,850 What if Gregory is gay? 388 00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:23,580 When my mom said it, I didn't believe her. 389 00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:24,330 She lives in Iowa. 390 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,630 But coming from you two! 391 00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:26,800 - Means nothing. - No. 392 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,640 We barely know your fiance. 393 00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:31,660 - If he says he's straight, he's straight. - Mm. Straight. 394 00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:33,120 We're getting married in a month. 395 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,350 People are flying in. 396 00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,840 He signed us up for dance classes. 397 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:36,900 Oh, my god! 398 00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:38,630 No. No, no, no. Hey. 399 00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:39,950 - This is what gays do. - Yeah. 400 00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:41,060 - We gossip. - We gossip a lot. 401 00:14:41,060 --> 00:14:42,270 He gossips! 402 00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:44,480 No. No. You're missing the point, okay? 403 00:14:44,660 --> 00:14:46,300 We see a great-looking guy like Gregory, 404 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,130 and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay! 405 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:51,110 - Really? Really? Are you sure? - Yes. Yes. 406 00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:53,300 Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars. 407 00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:53,740 Okay. 408 00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,070 You know? Hugh Jackman-- he sings, he dances, 409 00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:57,350 He's dreamy! 410 00:14:57,350 --> 00:15:00,410 So obviously we would want him on our team! 411 00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:01,790 - Yeah. - But he's straight. 412 00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:03,720 Trust me, I know. 413 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,570 I said hello to him once in a restaurant, 414 00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:08,240 and there was absolutely no chemistry. 415 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,130 Well, if that isn't proof... 416 00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:12,840 Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married, 417 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,050 and everyone said the wedding was beautiful. 418 00:15:15,050 --> 00:15:16,860 Gregory did the flowers.... 419 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,210 Which is perfectly normal for a straight guy. 420 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,970 The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb! 421 00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:27,710 All right. Let's go vote. 422 00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:30,450 Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician, anyway? 423 00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:32,170 You heard her. She wanted to put up 424 00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:33,870 a stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf, 425 00:15:33,870 --> 00:15:34,780 But then she ran into-- 426 00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:35,520 Wait, wait, wait! 427 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,020 That's near where I live! 428 00:15:37,030 --> 00:15:39,230 Yeah. We're neighbors. Let's go! 429 00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,110 No way I'm voting for that! 430 00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:42,910 Too much government already. 431 00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:44,920 I didn't fight a war so some politician 432 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,520 could tell me where I have to stop my car. 433 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,100 You don't even drive! 434 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,710 That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away. 435 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,920 I don't think he was involved in the decision! 436 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,810 I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife. 437 00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:58,020 I'm not going home with zero. 438 00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,440 The least you can do is walk right in there 439 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,790 and punch a hole for the woman 440 00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:04,610 who drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday! 441 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,220 I don't like it! Goes against everything I believe in. 442 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,100 Really? A stop sign?! 443 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,430 But I'll do it, 'cause you're a good kid. 444 00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:13,580 And I had a nice day... 445 00:16:14,170 --> 00:16:16,210 till you started yelling at me. 446 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,080 So sorry. Thank you. 447 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:20,500 Here you go. 448 00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:23,620 You know, my wife was an alcoholic, too. 449 00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:25,070 Okay. Let's just go vote. 450 00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:28,670 That's veteran political reporter 451 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,250 Walter Shapiro. 452 00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:31,090 Hi, everyone! 453 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,290 - Any news? - Not yet, not yet, 454 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,290 But even if I lose, at least now I know 455 00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:38,180 I have a future in radio. 456 00:16:38,570 --> 00:16:41,120 I couldn't. People need to see me. 457 00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:44,090 Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all 458 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,240 for everything you've done for me. 459 00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:50,810 Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all day 460 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,560 in your little Claire-mobile. 461 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,240 - It's the least we could do. - Yeah. 462 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,260 Literally. 463 00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:57,110 We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career 464 00:16:57,110 --> 00:16:58,560 than we did for Claire's. 465 00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,410 And, Manny and Gloria, 466 00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:04,200 thank you for making all those phone calls. 467 00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:05,340 And, dad... 468 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,970 for all your support. 469 00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:09,800 I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire. 470 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,510 I don't think I even voted. 471 00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:13,690 And my husband... 472 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,390 who drove around 473 00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:21,130 I don't know how many senior citizens today to the polls. 474 00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:23,100 One. 475 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,520 And my beautiful children, 476 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,420 whose faith has given me the confidence 477 00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:30,560 to believe that I can do this. 478 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,460 I can--oh. 479 00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:33,060 - Somebody else answer it. I lost. - Mom. Mom. 480 00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:33,690 - I can feel it. I-- - Mom. 481 00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:35,620 You can do it. Mom. Answer the phone. 482 00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,340 Hello? 483 00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:40,820 This is she. 484 00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:45,960 Thanks so much for calling. 485 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,260 Bye-bye. 486 00:17:50,780 --> 00:17:53,180 I have some bad news. 487 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,990 Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman? 488 00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:02,170 No, no, I wasn't doing that fake thing. 489 00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:06,290 - I really lost. I lost. - Ay, no. 490 00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:10,050 I'm so sorry. But you know what? 491 00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:14,430 We are still just so proud of you. 492 00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:18,620 Yeah! I-- I don't know about you, 493 00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:21,500 But, um... I could use a glass of wine. 494 00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,190 Ohh. Now you're gonna hear her drunk voice. 495 00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:32,830 Mom? 496 00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:34,730 You okay? 497 00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:36,590 Yes. Fine. I'm good. 498 00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:38,550 I'm fine. I'm not fine. I wanted to win, 499 00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:41,500 And... and I'm so embarrassed. 500 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,640 I mean, everybody out here worked so hard for me, 501 00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:48,620 and they believed in me, 502 00:18:48,950 --> 00:18:50,190 and I let 'em down. 503 00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:54,580 Oh, honey. 504 00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:56,810 Oh, sweetheart. 505 00:18:56,820 --> 00:19:00,370 Well, don't cry. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie. 506 00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:01,770 Really, I am. 507 00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,240 Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better. 508 00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:08,330 No, I got four rejection letters 509 00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:10,370 I never told you guys about. 510 00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:13,520 What? 511 00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:18,470 I got rejected from U.C.S.B., Oregon, Wisconsin... 512 00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:19,840 - Oh, no. - And Northwestern. 513 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,140 Well, we were overshooting on that one. 514 00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:23,860 What about, uh... 515 00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:27,030 It came today. My last chance. 516 00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:29,590 I'm too scared to open it. 517 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,620 Whatever it says in there, 518 00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:34,660 your father and I are crazy proud of you. 519 00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:35,830 Okay? 520 00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:37,750 I did start trying this year. 521 00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:39,620 I know you did. You did. 522 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,420 You have nothing to be ashamed of. 523 00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:44,630 Neither do you. 524 00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:47,990 It's a little bit different. 525 00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:50,940 No, it's exactly the same. 526 00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:53,870 Except you tried really hard the whole time, 527 00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:55,220 not just at the end. 528 00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:58,230 You're right. 529 00:19:58,370 --> 00:19:59,510 It is the same. 530 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,740 We have nothing to be ashamed of... 531 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,040 So let's open that together. 532 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,010 Yeah, open it. 533 00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:07,930 What? No! What are you doing here? 534 00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:10,100 No. Come on, haley. We believe in you. 535 00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:10,950 Do it! 536 00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:12,730 You can always work for me. 537 00:20:12,890 --> 00:20:14,500 Come on. You can do it. You can do this. 538 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,390 - Come on, Haley. - All right. 539 00:20:15,390 --> 00:20:16,960 Open. Open, open, open. 540 00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:22,870 "Dear Miss Dunphy, 541 00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,100 We regret to inform you..." 542 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,290 Oh, honey. 543 00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:29,120 "While we cannot offer you admission at this time, 544 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,300 "You are a promising candidate, and therefore 545 00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:32,880 We would like to place you on our wait list!" 546 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,520 Oh, my god, I got wait-listed! 547 00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:35,920 We will take it! 548 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,600 Yeah! 549 00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:39,780 Congratulations! Congratulations! 550 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:43,550 Our daughter might be going to college! 551 00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:50,660 Phil, look. 552 00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:53,230 A stop sign. 553 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,100 It's addressed to you. 554 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,860 "Dear Claire, I won. You lost. 555 00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:04,530 "Here's your stupid stop sign. 556 00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:06,030 "Next time you think about bothering me, 557 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,800 "Please take its advice. 558 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,150 Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey." 559 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,090 Honey, you did it! 560 00:21:13,090 --> 00:21:14,070 I did it. 561 00:21:14,330 --> 00:21:16,330 I made our neighborhood a little bit safer. 562 00:21:16,330 --> 00:21:18,620 I may have even saved life. 563 00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:25,070 You idiot, there's stop sign! Can't you read? 564 00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:27,370 we need speed bumps. 565 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:30,490 No, no. No! Honey! 9999 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:02,300 www.tvsubtitles.net